Secrets
by Kage kioku aji tenshi
Summary: Summary: Maryse has a secret, one she would never dare speak aloud but one she never regreted. Alec is Luke's son Au.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Maryse has a secret, one she would never dare speak aloud but one she never regreted.

Alec is Luke's son Au.

* * *

She'd always known that Alec would be great, ever since she first felt him squirm inside, she'd known.

Watching him she felt proud, prouder than any moment that had come before.

He was her first born, her eldest son, but she'd felt guilt when she'd first held him in her arms after his birth, guilt that she'd never be able to explain, not to her son, and not to her husband.

She'd always noticed his differences, the things that made him better, the things that he recieved from his father.

Alec's laugh, the way his smile lit his eyes, his heart.

It was that heart that Valentine had taken advantage of when they had decided to follow him all those years ago, that heart that he'd broken and betrayed, the same one she had destroyed when she had turned Alec's father away, had cursed and insulted and insulted him instead of standing beside him as she should have done.

She'd married Robert within the month at Valentine's assistance, she'd led him into the fold, it was only right that she marry him.

She'd known then, known what she carried inside her, a reminder of the love she'd thrown away and tried to forget.

There had been a moment, a single moment of weakness after she'd discovered the tiny, new life she had created from a love destroyed, that she had found herself outside of a Mundane clinic. It would have been so easy, she remembered thinking, so easy to ride herself of that small life, the thing within that needed and depended on her for it's very existance, so easy to just make it go away.

And then, and then she felt it move, a tiny little flutter of movement, almost like the butterflies it's father had given her whenever he'd smiled at her before, before she'd refused to accept his new status. That Alec's father still gave her when he smiled at her just like that, like she was the most important thing in the whole world and that nothing could ever change his love for her, not even the betrayal she'd given him.

She'd almost fallen to the ground sobbing, leaning heavily on the wall behind her and she'd covered her mouth, not in horror for what she'd almost done but in awe for the little thing she'd been given by the Angel's grace, the little life that was a remainder of what she'd lost, a last little piece of the man she'd always love and had had to give up for their cause.

And so she had kept the life she carried, she'd grown it from it's little flutter into the child she birthed, early by the timeline she'd given the Clave and her husband, but she knew, she knew that her little boy wasn't early, and she'd never, never reveal that, not to anyone, not even Alec's father, it was a secret she'd take to her grave and only she and the Angel would ever know that the man who had brought forth Alexander was the same man who had been Parabatai to Valentine, the man who was now a werewolf.

It would be foolish to tell them now anyway, as Lucian laughed at something Magnus Bane said, as the little warlock Madzie began falling asleep on Alec's shoulder, Alec who was in turn leaning into Magnus. What was there to gain for any of them really, Maryse wondered, what else but guilt and sorrow for a life missed and anger at her, where it was rightly deserved, and so she'd keep her secret, she'd take it to her grave.

Let Maryse Lightwood bare the guilt and sorrow for a missed and loving relationship between a father and his son, let her cry into her pillows for never telling Luke that she'd carried his child, that he had a blood-born child that existed that he'd never seen grow up, let her silence lay heavy on her tongue and weight down her heart whenever Luke spoke about the changes Alec brought to the Downworld and the Clave's relationship with them, the ideas he and Magnus proposed during the Downworld council meetings. Let her secret damn her to an eternity in darkness, alone and cold, but don't let it touch them with sorrow or grief, with regret for missed memories.

Let the regret and sorrow, and guilt be hers and hers alone, for a secret kept in silence.

But Maryse would never dare regret giving birth to and raising Lucian Graymark's child, and perhaps... perhaps if she had been braver, less taken in by Valentine, more open to following her heart, she would have dared to raise Luke Garroway's son.

* * *

A/N: I said I was going to write a fic where Alec was Luke's son not Robert's, I just didn't know it was going to be Maryse's point of view.

I may do a follow up where Alec knows that Luke is his father but do not count on it.

This is based on the whole Shadowhunters love once and that before his turning Maryse and Luke had a relationship and that the relationship between Jocelyn and Luke was Platonic or perhaps it was the Parabatai bond leaking through or whatever.


	2. Chapter 2

Summary: The day Alec made his discovery was both the best day of his life... and the worst.

* * *

He'd noticed something off long before he knew the truth. the way he saw things, the way he balked at the way his parents treated others, treated Izzy and Jace even.

He'd shrugged it away, figured it must have just been another Shadowhunter's influence, something he'd seen and liked, something that just resounded in him like being kind to Downworlders, even when they had broken the Laws, smiling at children, softening his shoulders to seem less of a threat to them especially little Warlocks who had likely never been treated kindly by his kind.

He never really thought about it much, never thought about how he wasn't like his sister, just the way she moved was different and he'd thought, perhaps that it was influenced by her being a girl, he wasn't sure.

The shift in perspective had happened when he'd arrived to help Magnus Bane heal Luke Garroway. When Alec had offered everything Magnus needed, they'd opened a door of some sorts, a portal if Alec dared to use the term, that passed power between them, it only happened when trust existed between people, it was a trust that should only exist between Parabatai, or so Alec had always been told.

But there had been something beyond Magnus, Alec's own Angelic power had reached and sought it, had wanted to help. It was something he'd never heard about and being both worried and curious had snuck into the Libraries to find his answers. What he discovered was a book centuries old that spoke about familial lines and Runes made by people who shared the same bloodlines worked better than if a stranger Nephilim made them.

He'd asked Izzy, had experimented with it with her, she trusted him but he had discovered that the feeling of his Angelic Powers transferring was different, even with Max, it had been easier to feel his powers flowing into Luke through Magnus and he didn't know what it meant, didn't understand but he let his search and the mysteries fall away because he had more important things to do.

It scared him, what it might mean.

* * *

It was after everything had settled down that Alec picked his little project up again, went searching through the books to find what he needed, a Rune that would map a Nephilim's lineage, it was meant for Orphans Alec supposed, to find them family and home.

He lay the Rune out on the page he'd found in his blood as the instructions demanded and watched his blood sink into the page and then flow up and form his own name at the very bottom, a line stretching upward to connect his name to his mother, Maryse Lightwood and he held his breath as he watched the first line of his Father's name become, not an R but an L and Alec knew, he knew with a suddenness that had him sitting heavily on the ground, trying to catch his breath.

Robert Lightwood, the man who had raised him, who had terrified him as a child, was not his biological Father, not that he had been much an adoptive one, he'd refused to speak on e word to Alec since Alec had shut down his comparison of him and Magnus to Robert's own affair.

Alec took a moment to breath and then climbed to his feet to look at the paper again, wondering if he himself had been the result of an affair. But as he compared the dates of his birth, his parents' marriage and his father's turning, his betrayal by Valentine Alec discovered that his mother had been pregnant when she'd married Robert Lightwood.

Alec had always been told he'd been early, but he'd never shown any sings of it in his life, not even when he'd first been born at almost ten pounds and twenty three inches, he'd been large for a preemie, too large for it to be truth. Maybe that had been it, the thing that made Alec wonder subconsciously.

Izzy and Max only being half related to him explained why his Angelic power was reluctant to respond, but the way it had responded to Luke, as though it recognized half of it's origin.

The question was what should Alec do with the information? Maryse had obviously never meant to tell either of them, for whatever reason, whether to protect herself or Alec, Alec didn't know. But should Alec tell her he'd found out, should he tell Luke or just let Maryse's secret remain so, a secret kept by two.

What purpose was there to tell Luke that Alec was his son anyway? Luke was building a new relationship with Maryse or perhaps Alec should say renewing their old relationship. If Alec told Luke, told Maryse then he could break the fragile relationship they were trying to build.

Alec stared at the paper that was still listing ancestors and made a decision he lifted the paper in his hand and his Stele in the other and made the heat Rune and watched his ancestry burn, he'd keep the secret his mother had created by...

Alec's breath hitched a little, the secret she had created when she'd made the choice to keep him instead of getting ride of him, kept him to be born instead of killing him before any one but her had known he even existed.

It would have, could have, been easy for her to get rid of him, know one but herself would have been aware that she had, he'd have just been a small regret perhaps, just another life she'd taken, another life lost in Valentine's War, a life that only one person would know had even existed.

Alec sat at the table in the library and he wondered why she hadn't gotten rid of him, it would have been better for her, she wouldn't have to lie and there would have been nothing to discover, nothing that would ever implicate that Maryse Lightwood should have given birth to an child older than Izzy.

And Alec wouldn't have existed, he'd have never met Magnus, Magnus would never have known him, would that have made things better or worse, Alec wondered.

But she hadn't gotten rid of him, she'd kept him, probably lived in fear of someone doing the math and coming out with the truth, that it was impossible for Alec to have been premature, that he wasn't Robert Lightwood's child that he was technically Bastard born, his parents unwed to one another, she had risked destroying her worth among the Clave and her fellow Shadowhunters to keep him, to bring him into the world, the piece of the man she loved that she had helped create.

Alec wondered if he might have been brave enough for that if he'd been born a woman, if Magnus wasn't a Warlock and sterile. Would he have risked everything to bring Magnus' child into a world that hate him if the truth was discovered?

Alec paused and thought about it, thought about how Luke had been lost to Maryse, a werewolf now and thus no longer welcome in their community, how they would have had nothing if she had gone with him, it would have been so easy for him to have been lost due to lack of nutrition or other factors, even if Maryse had gone with Luke she'd have raised a deRuning and he'd have been dead for sure if she'd undergone a deRuning while pregnant.

Alec took a breath and let it out, he understood his mother's choice, understood and accepted it, maybe she hadn't realized what would happen if she'd gone with Luke, maybe her reason's for staying had been selfish or rooted in Valentine's ideals, Alec didn't know but he was glad for it because it meant he'd been born, it meant that he'd been born, that he'd met Magnus and so many others and how easily one choice might have changed all of that.

And Alec knew that, he knew in the same way that he'd known there was a connection between him and Luke that day when he had put his hand and his power in Magnus' hands, that he would have done the same thing.

He'd have lied and kept secrets if it meant that he'd bring Magnus' child into the world safely. Alec supposed he was lucky then that he'd never have to make such a desicion.

Alec looked at the ashes he'd created by burning his ancestry paper.

He'd keep his mother's secret, he'd carry it to his grave if he had to because without it he might have already been in one.

* * *

A/N: Realized that I didn't really explain why it was both the best and the worst day. It was the best day because Robert wasn't his father and the worst because Alec could never tell Luke that he was his son.


End file.
